7 Important Business Lessons You Can Learn From a Bank Robbery

During a bank robbery in China, the bank robbers dressed in fake Hugo Boss fashion, carrying AK47s shouted to everyone as they rushed into a bank: "Everyone don't move. This is a robbery. The money belongs to the People. Your life belongs to you. Your designer handbag we will not take. We don’t take your IDs and we are not identity thefts, that’s not ethical at all. We will take only the money from the bank."

This is called “Staying Focus!”

The older robbers shouted “Don’t do any tricks. I know them because I used to work in a bank too. Just do as you are told.” One guys asked. “Which bank did you work for?”. He replied “The Sperm Bank. But we never had a robbery while I worked there.”

This is called “Domain Knowledge!”

Everyone in the bank got down on the floor. One woman was looking at her smartphone and noticed one of the robbers showed up on her Tinder app and shouted hey you look good and is that a real picture! The younger robber said, “We are only here to do work, not looking for a date. Perhaps after. Now I am busy?" The big brother yelled at him ”You should have turned that off!” And then everyone in the bank started looking at their smartphones.

This is called "Avoiding Distraction!”

Then one of the bank’s staff started asking the robbers. “What are you going to do with that much money? You guys should know investment is risky if you don’t know anything about it. You don’t want to risks your hard earned cash. We have different investment vehicles and the money can be placed in Switzerland and safe even if you got caught.”

This is called “Risks Management!”

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When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber told the older robber: "Big brother, let's count how much money we got" The older robber said: "Don’t bother, the news will tell us. Too much work and let them do the job. I'd rather spend the time look at stocks we want to buy with the money. The market is a good buy now.” The young robber said “Ah yes! Let them do the job!”

This is called “Opportunity Cost!”

Right after the robbers were gone, the bank manager held a meeting. But the supervisor said to him: "Shall we add the $10m that we have lend to our friends and families so we can write them off! Perfect timing.”

This is called “Opportunity Mapping!”

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $10 million. The robbers were upset: "We risked our lives and only took $10 million. The bank manager took $90 million without doing anything. That’s not fair. I guess that’s what happened when people understand business”

This was adapted from a joke I was told when traveling in China and dramatized.